Finding peace in myself, peace in my community, trust in my relationships, is at the core of my belief that as a species, we are able to move towards a nonviolent approach to sharing the space we have here on this planet.
Finding peace is also something I have struggled with, sourced help with from others, found within
nonviolence practices, and enjoy continuing to navigate and model,
Whether it is watching the news and feeling that half the the world is fighting with the other half of the world, or sitting with the family at the table noticing the background tension you feel there, or that aggressive and demeaning conversation you have with yourself, finding peace can sometimes seem to be difficult.
Being able to sit with myself or another, noticing what shows up when they share something important to them that is difficult for me to hear and hold, and them to share, is the beginning of practicing a nonviolent relationship.
Equally, sitting with myself, noticing the negative thoughts and conversations that go on in my own head, giving them space to be heard, considering what they might need and what is behind their discomfort, is the beginning or moving towards having a nonviolent relationship with myself.
Without being able to find peace and a relaxed confidence within myself, it is very difficult to have meaningful relationships with others on a one to one, or to build healthy communities.
One of the questions I ask myself when noticing my own inner critical voice is; “what is the need that is not being met for the voice?”
Being able to understand, notice, and express what I need in any relationship is the core of nonviolent communication. Often it feels really difficult to do.
As a youngster many of us are encouraged to push past difficulty, to ignore, deny and repress our inner self doubts that show up.
Speaking and sharing those self doubts is often seen as;
Being needy.
Being oversensitive.
Being out of control, or weak.
And is nearly always difficult and sometimes embarrassing for other around to know how to respond.
What I have noticed in the work I have done with others, individuals and groups, and with the work I have for my own wellbeing with support from others, is that once we can identify, express what it is we need in order to feel at peace, the internal and external world becomes a much nicer place to live.